I don’t actually have Multiple Personality Disorder. But when learning a language one also learns a culture, the differences between their home culture and this new one, plus new ways of expressing oneself. Living immersed in the language magnifies these differences and the huge learning curve one goes through. And to bring it out of the third person: I’m feeling kind of inadequate in expressing myself these days.
tell me more.
I’m not claiming to be fluent in any other language besides English, however I can get around in France and Germany pretty well. And at work I can occasionally make a fool of myself if I write an email in German but they know what I’m saying. I know enough though to sense the gaps in my sentences when I’m stuck, and most often I’m stuck in times and feelings.
I watched this really interesting TedTalk about how language affects one’s money saving ability, but talking about “future and future-less” languages was what really got my attention. When I was still teaching English, and actually even in kitchen conversations with colleagues now, I would tell my students that even though I don’t think about it actively, when I form a thought and a sentence in English I focus on what time and time-frame my idea “takes place” in. If you really think about it, what are you thinking about first, when forming a thought in English?
For example, “I used to go swimming every Saturday but I don’t so often now.” I tried to say this to someone in German once and I couldn’t, because I couldn’t figure out how to be exact with “I used to” meaning (to me) “It’s not my habit now, but it was and I would like to do it again.” By putting my emphasis on “used” native speakers would hear my voice rise and drag out the vowel ever so slightly to indicate the past that might continue on.
I’m really not 100% confident yet on how to do that in German or French. I’m sure with practice I could, but even if I knew the words, it still feels wrong to me because it’s just not exact enough to what I think and feel. This is probably due to lack of time invested in learning and not living in another language as fully as I should.
In English it’s really important for us to convey information about time first, then the action. Maybe this is regional or by nationality, but I’ve noticed this pattern in my speech and in my native speaking friends. But then I think what comes next after time is up to the individual. I notice my feelings and opinions on an idea come next after time. It’s important to me that I make others aware of how I feel about something, and how strongly I feel about conveying that something is probably based on personality. My biggest struggle though always goes back to time and tense.
SOME OTHER EXAMPLES
There are lots of instances around the internets that talk about this, here are a few of my favs:
I’m excited for the day I finally feel totally competent in a foreign language, but then again, I have plenty of incompetent days in my own mother tongue.
what is the point
The point is that sometimes I have to sit in discomfort (not just from the ridiculous heat wave) until I can be ok with that moment or thought and move on. Orrrr I sometimes can’t make all the uncomfortable moments more comfortable. Either way, learning how to deal with feeling inadequate sucks. That’s really the point. I’m probably going to have a lot of ice cream tonight as a coping mechanism. Then tomorrow it’ll still be hot and I’ll still be uncomfortable with my lack of language skills, feeling like there’s a whole part of me I haven’t really gotten to express here, but less so than today.
